Demons: Fictional reality.

Fictional Demon

The Way – Zack Hemsey

Starting this post has been no easy feat. I’m a writer. An artist. Exposing myself and putting my heart on the line is something I do within every piece I create. But this… is never really easy to talk about.

I’ve been writing and editing my second book in my Black Tears series. Within my series, my antagonist is involved a rogue underground group that is part of the entire universal system of existence. In order to create them in the best of detail, I had to dig deep and use my most frightening monsters yet: my demons.

A lot of authors utilize their own personal hells in their work. J.K. used Dementors as a symbol of her depression. Dreadful beings that suck the life right out of you. Which, if you have ever suffered serious depression, is pretty spot on.

I find, unfortunately, when I’m writing about my antagonist and his followers, I get sucked right back into a vicious cycle. I guess that makes me the real deal, but it isn’t any fun. I have suffered from a dark depression since childhood. Suicide was plotted, but never any real follow through. Unlike Dementors, my demons show up when I’m looking in the mirror. My self-inflicted torment transforms me into an unrecognizable creature with horrible intentions (see my book cover above). In those moments, I felt I could do the most evil of things and escape by means of my own death. Lose myself back into the blackness of the universe and do everyone I ever knew a favor by releasing the burden.

As is the case with most people, no one ever knew. I was hidden by the facade of a bubbly personality. The irony: that was my saving grace. People started to tell me how my happy-go-lucky personality really brightened their day. They loved being around me. The more they told me, the more I believed it. The more I believed it, the more real it became. I eventually realized that I couldn’t ever leave. Not because I would be missed, but because I would miss them. I wanted to be in their lives for… everything! I wanted to meet new people and explore the world! There would have been so much that I didn’t want to miss out on. Now, I have become addicted to living so much, that the thought of not living in the moment scares me. I know those monsters are still there. Still lurking and waiting for any vulnerable moment to feast on my insecurity. I won’t lie, I have moments that I succumb, but I am stronger these days. It was my people who helped me get here.

The photo in this post is of my creation of what it looks like, when I see myself smothered in my own personal hell. So, the next time you’re reading a book and come across some foul creature, appreciate the dark corner that author had to explore within themselves to create a story for you.

Published by

Erika Damn Castle!

I've always been told that I'm an adventurous girl and I cannot deny any of it. I would love to see the world and experience all of the stories it has to tell me. I am a child of the arts, developing my senses in music, painting, sketching, crafting, et cetera. But writing... it was a talent I believe I was born with. I'm not saying I'm an amazing (grammatically correct) author, just that I'm a natural storyteller. I can remember from the time that I learned how to read and write, I was eager to create my own world. I would scribble out tons of poems and short stories, then forcibly share them with my family (or even with my classmates). One of those stories resulted in the creation of this blog. Black Tears. As a child with an already wild imagination, I would always have these equally crazy dreams. One of those dreams was so vivid, that I awoke in the middle of the night and jotted down everything I could remember. From that point, the dream evolved into a poem, then a short story, and then to a complete story. It is the fruit of my 20 year procrastinating labor, and has been published into a book (the first of its series). Tune in to stay updated on the growth of myself as an author and the series. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have loved creating it! XX , Erika

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