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8 Realities of a Deceased Parent.


Summer sunset at my childhood home

If you’ve had the luxury of growing up with both parents (and both parents are great people), it’s even harder when life happens and they’re taken away from you. These are our truths, no matter how long it has been (1 month, 1 year, 10 years, et cetera), or how old you were when you lost them.

  1. It will always hurt. Time doesn’t make it easier. The reality of it is, we’ve repeated it to ourselves so much that we’ve just numbed ourselves to it. We will still have outbursts where we miss them so much, we’re inconsolable. After a good crying session, we go back to being numb. Some people may call this acceptance, but it’s still a numbing mechanism.
  2. There will be a piece of our heart missing. There isn’t anything anyone can do to fill it. It’s a permanent fixture. Don’t even try. Either you accept it or you move on.
  3. It may be subtle, but it does change us. Our perspective on life has been altered and we now have to figure out an alternate route. We may act out in odd ways that we didn’t before (good or bad). This is what I like to call a ripple. Some people settle back to similar versions of themselves, others may not.
  4. We will always talk about our parent. Yes, we will have moments that remind us of something. Sometimes it’s a good memory, sometimes it’s a sad one. We may even repeat something we’ve told you before. Understand that this is how we still keep them alive. I’ve mentioned my dad so many times in these posts and I don’t even care if people are tired of it.
  5. Don’t get annoyed. That is the absolute worst thing you could ever do. Don’t you dare get frustrated if we are brave enough to share our moments with you. Don’t whine about how you’ve heard that story before or how many times we’ve said, “I wish you could have met him/her.”
  6. Ask us to share our memories. Helping us to grieve is one of the best things you can do. I love sharing stories about my dad and I love hearing stories about him. It gives me a sense that he’s still around. I even have a playlist created just for him that I like to listen to it on road trips.
  7. Time angers us. To me, I am upset that life still moves on. The electric bill still needs to be paid, the seasons change, you have to go back to work. I didn’t have time to breathe. It also means that I’m further from the last conversation, that last hug & kiss goodbye. I’m also afraid to make any dramatic changes because I know my dad won’t be there to witness them. But life happens. Still.
  8. There are no words of wisdom we can give you. Death is inevitable, so you will soon know of our pain. Everyone grieves differently. I can say, being surrounded by people who loved them just as much as you helps. Being surrounded by people who love you also helps. That’s the best that I’ve got.

I will conclude with a cliche to appreciate everyone in your life. Even the annoying people. The petty stuff is never worth it.

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