I love people, places, things. I love to smell the salt of the sea, the fresh rain in a hay field, my childhood memories that fill the room when I brew a pot of Folgers. It’s safe to say that, even though it can be incredibly difficult and painful, I love to live life. Most of all, I love that word: Live.
As I have hinted in previous blogs, I struggle with depression. I have been suicidal a few times, even as a child. It is an illness that is coded within my DNA. I have moments that my brain misfires and I lose control. Even now, I still fight. But every day, I put on a smile, throw out some jokes, and my friends make everything better. They remind me that my life is worth it, the day was worth it, I am worth it. They’ve saved my life multiple times and are completely oblivious to it. So, to repay them, I give them everything that I have. It’s what they deserve. It’s what I deserve (even when that’s hard to say).
Lately, there have been an influx of closed minded people crossing my path. Well… Not necessarily closed minded. They just haven’t opened their curtains yet. Some never will. Some like being ignorant of things and need structure to obtain stability and control. Change frightens them and that can be okay, but change is as inevitable as death. Death is also frightening. So much so, that I’ve started looking away from it. I know it’s there, slobbering all over my shoulder while it whispers sullen desires, but I choose to look at the brighter side. I chase after it, really.
I choose to live my life by experiences. Sure, I have goals, but I don’t discredit my life between them. I don’t need to reach my goals to be happy. It’s my journey and what I make of it. I want to experience the most I can out of life so that when it’s all over, my hunger will be satiated. Saying or requesting to have a purpose in life is too much of a burden, I think. There are no guidebooks to tell you which path to take. No Oz behind a curtain telling you that he plans for you to work at Burger King the rest of your life. At the most, let the wind guide you and take in all the sights and people you pass along the way. Touch as many hearts and minds as you can, but don’t be afraid to let them do the same. You’ll never know what you’ll learn and you get to experience so many kinds of love. It sounds like a fortune cookie or some silly philosophy, but I’ve found that this is the best way I can be. And trust me, it is utterly freeing.