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You know you’re a writer when…

Bleeding heart

Heart upon my wrist, I will write you this. This is me… Bleeding.

 

“If you find yourself asking yourself (and your friends) ‘Am I really a writer? Am I really an artist?’ Chances are you are. The counterfeit innovator is wildly self-confident. The real one is scared to death.” – Steven Pressfield

Well… This is depressing. Creativity, my lover, please come back to me. I’m not sure what I’ve done wrong, but the people who reside in my mind are becoming anxious and angry. Please forgive me for all of my constant and continued complaints. You’re so good to me and I don’t deserve you.

I’ve been lost in a gloomy, unwritable world for a while now. It’s confusing, uninspirational, and frustrating. I feel like I’ve been shaking an empty jar, expecting glitter to spew. Nothing is coming to fruition and I haven’t had the urge to press my wrists against the keyboard and pour my soul into a page that I’m hoping you’ll accept.

Writing is weird, isn’t it? The summary of our entire being printed on dead trees and pressed in ink. Some of us like to pretend that we don’t do it for others, we do it for ourselves. While some of that is true, we still long to be accepted by other like-minded people. Am I pretty now? Am I disgusting enough for you to slather me with red wax and stamp me with the crest of your kingdom?

I digress.

A barren mind is of common occurance more than writers would like to admit. As much as the cup can overfloweth with ideas and motivation, the ping-pong game continues. Someone has my ball and I’d like to get it back. Please?

I’ve been reading a lot of “You know you’re a writer when…” memes and (although silly) none of them talked about this side of writing. I fully think that if you question whether or not you are a writer, you probably are. Sounds wildly insecure and unproductive, but it’s that exact insecurity that makes us expose our vulnerability into the written word. It’s our only drug that heals us instead of crucifies. I’ve often had this question, even though, down into the deep-deep, I know I was born with a pen in my mouth, paint on my skin, and a strange fondness for blank paper (this last one is no joke).

The positive thing is that I’ve been able to catch up on a lot of sleep lately. As is the case with most insomniacs, it can have the opposite affect on your body. All you want to do is sleep. Right now, even after a 5 hour nap after work, I am debating on going back to bed. Penance must be paid for all of that borrowed time and my body always retrieves payment.

 

 

 

18 replies »

  1. There are a lot of quotes out there about how confidence is inversely related to ability.
    I guess, at some point, the question becomes, who cares? Do you need to call yourself a writer to write? And if you come to the conclusion that you don’t fit whatever definition of writer you decide to use, will you stop writing? I can say, I probably wouldn’t stop. If I was told that nothing will happen with my writing, by a reliable time traveler who demonstrates her authenticity, I will continue writing anyway.
    There are too many points for one comment, and I’ll ramble into insanity if I keep going, so, to end it, in my estimation you’re probably a writer.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think we all have some doubt that creeps in, wondering if we are any good at a craft we love. Seeking validation helps sometimes, but it always ends up sneaking back in as a subconscious thought. I’ve always loved to write and that alone should give me the title. But putting myself out there, exposing my vulnerability and what I consider to be a large part of my soul. Knowing that I have an ounce of talent is comforting.

      I would also never stop. It soothes me.

      Like

  2. The recurring advice is “write even if you don’t feel like it, and write some more.” I disagree. If you force yourself to write, then the stumbling block will go from an annoying phase to a an abominable catastrophe. I think if the motivation isn’t there, it’s a sign of mind overload. Breathe, engage your brain in a different activity, sleep some more and come back to writing fresh and full of energy. As self-published authors, we don’t have a deadline to follow. Use that to your advantage. I cannot believe people can write beautifully when they force themselves to. And writing garbage does nothing to help the omnipresent self-doubt we all experience.

    Liked by 1 person

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