A series of events have been keeping me away from draining these toxic thoughts onto a machine and out for the world to see. But that isn’t to say I haven’t been thinking about it. Everyday, I draw up an outline of things I want to write about (blog or book), and every day, I suffer through the hours only to have exhaustion seep into my bones when the time comes. Everything is off balance and I keep telling myself, “Such is the way of life.”
Thought 1: I was in the book store last week, obtaining new, printed friends, when I caught the conversation of a couple in their early twenties. The girl complained of the book formatting and questioned the authors authenticity because of spacing rules.
What the fuck? Why?
Why would it matter if the author was authentic?
This really bothered me.
Thought 2: My boyfriend and I moved here four years ago without any family nearby. He lost his job just recently. To make sure we would be okay, I took on a later shift in order to gain some extra hours at work. I’m so tired.
Thought 3: I really want to spend more time on my book. No joke, it hurts my heart.
Thought 4: Why the hell am I so damned attracted to cute boys with pretty words and creamy rebuttals? Dear gawd, I can hold a crush.
Thought 5: Did I take a shower? *sniff*
Thought 6: I hate Michigan winters. I need my humid sunshine back. I also need to go to San Diego.
Thought 7: How much is the airfare to San Diego?
Thought 8: *sniff* Did I shower?!
Thought 9: I wonder how I am going to die. Will I know it’s coming? Will I be content with how my life went? If I choked on this grape and died, how would I feel about my life and the people I’ve shared it with? Will I have enough oxygen left in my brain to run through this checklist? Or will I be thinking, “Damn. Of all the near misses, it was a fucking grape that took me down…”
One thing I will probably regret is not having more… yeah, keeping that one to myself lol
I have been a little occupied…