A series of events have been keeping me away from draining these toxic thoughts onto a machine and out for the world to see. But that isn’t to say I haven’t been thinking about it. Everyday, I draw up an outline of things I want to write about (blog or book), and every day, I suffer through the hours only to have exhaustion seep into my bones when the time comes. Everything is off balance and I keep telling myself, “Such is the way of life.”


It sucks.

Thought 1: I was in the book store last week, obtaining new, printed friends, when I caught the conversation of a couple in their early twenties. The girl complained of the book formatting and questioned the authors authenticity because of spacing rules.

What the fuck? Why?

Why would it matter if the author was authentic?

This really bothered me.

Thought 2: My boyfriend and I moved here four years ago without any family nearby. He lost his job just recently. To make sure we would be okay, I took on a later shift in order to gain some extra hours at work. I’m so tired.

Thought 3: I really want to spend more time on my book. No joke, it hurts my heart.

Thought 4: Why the hell am I so damned attracted to cute boys with pretty words and creamy rebuttals? Dear gawd, I can hold a crush.

Thought 5: Did I take a shower? *sniff*

Thought 6: I hate Michigan winters. I need my humid sunshine back. I also need to go to San Diego.

Thought 7: How much is the airfare to San Diego?

Thought 8: *sniff* Did I shower?!

Thought 9: I wonder how I am going to die. Will I know it’s coming? Will I be content with how my life went? If I choked on this grape and died, how would I feel about my life and the people I’ve shared it with? Will I have enough oxygen left in my brain to run through this checklist? Or will I be thinking, “Damn. Of all the near misses, it was a fucking grape that took me down…”

One thing I will probably regret is not having more… yeah, keeping that one to myself lol

I have been a little occupied…

Published by

Erika Damn Castle!

I've always been told that I'm an adventurous girl and I cannot deny any of it. I would love to see the world and experience all of the stories it has to tell me. I am a child of the arts, developing my senses in music, painting, sketching, crafting, et cetera. But writing... it was a talent I believe I was born with. I'm not saying I'm an amazing (grammatically correct) author, just that I'm a natural storyteller. I can remember from the time that I learned how to read and write, I was eager to create my own world. I would scribble out tons of poems and short stories, then forcibly share them with my family (or even with my classmates). One of those stories resulted in the creation of this blog. Black Tears. As a child with an already wild imagination, I would always have these equally crazy dreams. One of those dreams was so vivid, that I awoke in the middle of the night and jotted down everything I could remember. From that point, the dream evolved into a poem, then a short story, and then to a complete story. It is the fruit of my 20 year procrastinating labor, and has been published into a book (the first of its series). Tune in to stay updated on the growth of myself as an author and the series. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have loved creating it! XX , Erika

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